Waiting for God...

Waiting.  It's something I find myself doing far more often than I'd like.  Sometimes I can be patient- I don't mind the red lights, the bank lines, or the commercial breaks like some people do.  It's more the waiting for my shift to be done, or for the phone to ring, or for a church to finally choose me as their pastor.  That's the waiting that gets under my skin, makes me feel like my blood is pulsing too fast, and makes me suspicious that the world has somehow been turned onto slow motion.  That's the waiting that reminds me how impatient I can be and makes me see how different my life is from how I dreamed it would be.  I feel like I'm waiting for my real life to start.

As I searched for Bible verses about waiting, I found this verse of Psalm 69:
I am weary with my crying;
    my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
    with waiting for my God.

While my waiting does seem to dim my eyes and weary my parched throat (my current waiting includes a headcold), reading this verse it struck me how interesting it is to think about this waiting I'm doing as waiting for God.  

In our busy lives, we're used to waiting for things to happen: babies to be born, jobs to be gotten, holidays to arrive.  But, usually that waiting is something we can measure or control.  We can count the days, or increase our effort, or find something to do in the meantime.  But, waiting for God.  That's something that feels uncomfortable.  It's unmeasurable, it's uncontrollable, and it's unpredictable.

Yet, here I am waiting for God. I'm waiting for God to show me what to do next, which church is the right one for me, whether this is even the correct path.  And this waiting for God feels...anxious.  Like I should be doing more to make something happen.  I feel like I'm not doing all I could be doing, like I'm giving up and letting someone else be in charge.   

Knowing this, though, I have to recognize that waiting for God does mean letting go. Waiting for God doesn't have a time limit and I don't know what the result will be.  Worse, it means I don't get to control the result.  Of course I can choose what to do with what comes, but I don't get to choose which door will open, which invitation will come, which phone call will be the one.  I don't know even know WHAT exactly I'm waiting for (though I know what I WANT to be waiting for), I just know who.  

The Taize community in France has worship songs that are repetitive in words and meditative in sound.  One came to mind as I was thinking on this topic of waiting.

Taize Song
Wait for the Lord, whose day is near
Wait for the Lord, be strong take heart

And so I wait.  And this repetitive song becomes my mantra.  Be strong, take heart.  And I hope that God's day is near.  

May we all be filled with strength in our waiting.  

Blessings, G